I was looking through some old notes and realized I’d never blogged this. It relates to a time a few years back after a time of difficulty and of how it turned out. God is good!

April 28,2012
I’m feeling delivered right now, rescued by God.

The last few years have not been fun. Starting with my heart problems in late 2008, we’ve had a number of body blows, a descent down a dark tunnel, unsure of what would hit next.

I’ve had to learn how much I needed to lean on God. It was a wounding experience; somehow damaging (yet tending to life as I turned to Him for supply and grace with real need); the scars no less than His mark of ownership on my life. I trust Him in a new way and am starting to see how all things really do “work for good to those who love Him”.

Coming out the other side (at least of this trial) I have a profound and real sense of depending on God, of His reality and my need for Him in every way. I love Him better and know Him better than I did just a few short years ago; my heart is bound to Him in a new way. Grace, and with it, a profound, soul satisfying joy. This is what I was made for.

I know my own weaknesses better than ever, but they don’t discourage me because I know I am His: valued, loved, called and redeemed. Purchased by His blood, pursued by an ardent and faithful suitor: captured by “the Hound of Heaven”. I acknowledge my failings – did I ever think I could do it myself? – but move past them and look to HIM. I feel overwhelmed by Christ’s faithfulness, His humility, His desire for me and His incredible deliverance. Thankyou, God, for Your great love and care!

Part of the wonder is the realization that I’m safe… and that I always was. God was bringing things together to this place of rest.

If I trust God’s providence, that He really can and does “work all things together for good”, then I admit His faithful, determined love for me and my security in Him. There is deep joy in this realization, something essential to living a life that honours God. He is not glorified by dour legalists, nor by people who are just emotionally religious. There’s a deep, rational, balanced joy that comes from really knowing what He’s done.

But this sense of security doesn’t lead to careless living either, because I’ve been changed. We really are new people, fledgling sons and daughters of the God who is really there. And if changed, how can one live selfishly? The blood that redeemed mankind now runs in our own veins; the heart that breaks for the sorrow of the world now beats in our own chests. His Spirit dwells within; we’re family now.

I suppose in the end, it’s something God had to show me; and when He seems far away I wonder if part of the problem is the quality of the receiving equipment. Maybe I wasn’t in the right condition to receive or hear Him before, and that God’s provident use of time and circumstance has finally broken me open, bringing me to the place where I could understand.

I’m in love. There’s a sense of the big picture emerging, a panorama of life as God paints the world in broad strokes: yet within them the brush yields infinite detail and nuance for His children, a great dance or drama with an endless cast and the best of endings.

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