Have you ever felt, “if only I could believe better, if only I had more faith”?

It’s like saying wishing you wish you trusted the seatbelts in your car better. But you’re going to go for a drive anyways.

Faith is not concerned with your ability to do anything at all, but in the integrity of what you trust. Whether I think so or not, my seatbelts are strong, and I go driving as if they were. Same with God: I rest not in my ability to believe, but in the Person I’m trusting.

There is rest and a tremendous sense of relief in this. Even when I blow it, even when a thousand voices in my head shout that I’m a failure, I can rest. He (not I) is God; I’m not saved, nor do I serve out of my own ability, but on His. In myself, I feel desperately inadequate. With Him, anything’s possible.

And so I lean on Him. I know what a waffling, diffident windbag I can be: but He gives more grace. I worry less what others think of me; I don’t even have to worry about what I think about me. But this self knowledge doesn’t lead to a pathological self-loathing; rather it forces me to consider and claim His work in my life. It’s not about effort or how skillfully I handle my path – it’s all about HIM. And I am secure, valued, and loved.

My weaknesses make me return to Him for this grace and rest. The trick is knowing to go to Him for relief.

It follows then that I need to do what I can to know Him better. Meditate on His word; spend time in prayer. Make a calculated decision to learn all you can; it’s very down to earth. And whatever you do, don’t give yourself religious brownie points for doing so; this is as sensible as eating your vegetables. The rules of relationship apply just as much to God as they do to anyone else: you have to spend time together if you want to get to know a person. You need to live life together.

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